Sandal weather
It’s the first day of spring, and I guarantee that somewhere in central Indiana there’s at least one eejit wearing shorts and sandals today. It seems it only takes the slightest hint of warmer weather to bring those people out of the woodwork. Personally, I think it’s a little silly to go all out and haul the summer clothes out of storage before it’s consistently over 70°, but I will admit that even with long pants, I start thinking about adding cute sandal-type shoes to my wardrobe. Right now, I’m looking at these:
1. Keen Calistoga sandal, $83.95 at Zappos.com
2. Dansko Sela, $110.00 at Zappos.com
3. Clarks Dylann, $60.00 at Zappos.com
4. Dr. Martens Penny Ring Sandal, $84.95 at Zappos.com
5. Merrell Siena, $70.00 at Zappos.com
6. Naot Rachel, $129.95 at Zappos.com
What is it with me and clunky sandals? I’ve never been one to wear “skinny” sandals… give me the Doc Martens, and I’d be thrilled. My all-time favorite pair of sandals were Doc’s, and I completely wore them out. They were my summertime concert shoes; they saw me through Horde Fest, X-Fest, Dave Matthews Band (X2), Sheryl Crow, Counting Crows, Jewel… and several others I can’t remember.
Funbags? Hardly.
Boobs. Breasts. Tits. There are lots of words for these appendages, but the one that seems most incongruous to me at the moment is “funbags”. There’s nothing fun about these things… they’re too big to be anything but a nuisance. I have been shopping for the right bra for the last 4 months now. I had the perfect bra, but when the first underwire snapped as I bent over to get out of my car one day, I knew I would have to find something else. Wacoal bras aren’t cheap, and while I think you should support “the girls” to the best of your ability, I just can’t spend that kind of money on undergarments. I’d rather spend it on shoes… but I don’t.
Anyway, because I am 1) overweight, and 2) of good, German, farmhand stock, I am well-endowed. Doesn’t well, when used as a prefix, usually indicate something positive? Yeah, I’m not feeling so positive… just very frustrated. I’ve measured, and measured, and measured again… according to all the calculations I’ve done, I should be wearing one band size and one or two cup sizes larger than my lovely Wacoal bras were. So that’s what I’ve been trying on, but that is a large enough size that it’s very difficult to find locally. I’ve ordered about ten different bras online, and have had to return them ALL. All of them!! Every last one. None of them fit. Some were pricey, some were not… but they all looked terrible. In the meantime, the last underwire on my last perfect bra gave out as I was cleaning the bunny room one night. I had to do something, so I went to Kohl’s and bought a couple of stopgap measures. They don’t fit very well, but I figured they’d do for now. I can tell they are the wrong band AND cup size – I can use the tightest hook closure and still pull the band over 2″ away from my body, and the center wires don’t lay flat like they’re supposed to.
So, lastnight I go to Kohl’s, not really intending to look at bras, but figuring I might as well try to find the next cup size bigger. It’s a triple-letter size, so I don’t have a lot of hope, but they actually do have a few different styles. I pick a smaller band size and the larger cup size, and they are ENORMOUS. There is enough extra fabric to fit at least one more breast in each cup! I’m so confused… what the heck? So, I try just reducing the band size, leaving the cup size the same as what I’ve been wearing. Still too big. Then, I figure I’ll try the size I was wearing before I started my search for the new perfect bra. Lo and behold, I tried on 3 different styles, and they fit. Hallelujah! It’s puzzling, for sure, because it’s not like I’ve lost any weight over the last 4 months… so I don’t understand why the size and styles that didn’t fit back then suddenly do, but I’ll take it. They cost together what one of the Wacoal bras do, so I’ll take it.
I have happy boobs now, that’s for sure.
Durrr
Sometimes I think I shouldn’t be allowed out of the house. Really.
I wore my date top to work today, with tan trousers and black pumps. One of the “features” of this top is that it has a zipper in the side. It’s one of those mystery zippers that doesn’t go all the way up or down the side — it’s just an opening. I don’t really need to unzip it to get the top on or off, but when I took it off after last wearing it, I unzipped it anyway. But I didn’t remember that this morning when I put it on. I spent the first half of my day today with a 12″ opening in the side of my shirt. I didn’t notice any kind of breeziness going on, but I did think it felt a little looser… I am such a big dork.
Filed under indignities, me, wardrobe | Comment (1)
