Mom
I’ve been trying to decide how to, and whether I should, write a post about my mother’s death. I wrote before about her diagnosis with uterine cancer, and she’s already gone. It was kind of a “one minute she’s fine, the next she’s not” scenario, and I won’t get into details, but it’s been such a hard month since it happened. We knew that death would ultimately be the outcome, but it was so FAST. I barely had a chance to process the diagnosis… let alone process the thought of never seeing or hugging my mom again, at least in this life.
I think we always know that it’s natural for our parents to die before we do, but that doesn’t make it any less traumatic or sad. Mom was young – only 58 – and I thought she had lots of life ahead of her. Losing Mom has meant losing my best, best friend. I used to talk to her two or three times a day – for the silliest things, things I would never bother any other living soul about – and I can’t begin to say how many times I’ve come thisclose to picking up the phone and dialing her number. Dad joked about leaving her cell number connected, just so I could still call… but that wouldn’t be the same.
I thought I would have more to say about this loss, but there’s just not much to say, I guess. It’s the reason I’ve been so quiet – it’s hard to write witty posts when you don’t really feel all that witty. It’s kind of like the color went out of the whole world; it’s slowly coming back, just not fast enough. One of the things that irked me about Mom (and Dad) when she first became a Buffett fan was how she would quote him. She said Jimmy had a song for every situation, and by God, she knew which one fit. I asked her, the Wednesday before she died which one fit this situation… she didn’t answer, but I think it’s this one:
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On
from TAKE THE WEATHER WITH YOU
(Jimmy Buffett/Matt Betton)
I bought a cheap watch from the crazy man
Floating down Canal
It doesn’t use numbers or moving hands
It always just says now
Now you may be thinking that I was had
But this watch is never wrong
And if I have trouble the warranty said
Breathe in breathe out move on
And it rained
It was nothing really new
And it blew
We’ve seen all that before
And it poured
The earth began to strain
Pontchartrain
Leaking through the door
Tides at war
If a hurricane doesn’t leave you dead
It will make you strong
Don’t try to explain just nod your head
Breathe in breathe out move on
And it rained
It was nothing really new
And it blew
We’ve seen all that before
And it poured
The earth began to strain
Ponchartrain
Buried the Ninth Ward
To the second floor
According to my watch the time is now
The past is dead and gone
Don’t try to shake it just nod your head
Breathe in breathe out move on
Don’t try to explain it just bow your head
Breathe in breathe out move on
© 2005 Coral Reefer Music (BMI) & Vernon Dubusque Music (BMI)
Filed under blues, family | Comment (0)A Moment
Mom and I always have fun when we’re together, and at some point we almost always have a moment where we completely lose it… we laugh, and laugh, and laugh, until we pee our pants and tears roll down our faces.
We went shopping while Mom was here over Christmas, and stopped at the local Sonic for a cherry limeade for me and a chocolate-cherry Coke for her. While we waited for the waitress to bring our order, we watched as shopping carts made their way across the Meijer parking lot we were facing, and sadly, we started making up stories about them. One of the shopping carts looked like it was trying to make it over to the Sonic, but got stopped at the curb… we assumed it was just hoping to take a break and get something to drink. There was another shopping cart that was obviously trying to latch itself onto a truck bumper so it could try to break free and make a new life somewhere else, but the wind blew it just the wrong way and all of it’s newfound hopes and dreams were dashed.
The third shopping cart, though, the one pictured above… well, it was really making a break for it. We watched as it rolled through the parking lot, headed for traffic. And I said to my mother, speaking for the shopping cart… “Look! I’m just tired of being pushed around!”
We haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time. It felt GOOD.
The worst timing
It’s been about three weeks since I’ve been needed overnight at my brother’s… my sister-in-law was on vacation over the holidays, and RC took vacation last week. While it was a nice respite, being able to sleep in my own bed every night, I’m now out of practice. The girls were SO excited to see me, even the four-legged one – you’d have thought they hadn’t seen me at all during that time! And they were terribly cute, playing “let’s dress up and pretend we’re playing in the snow”. Wia has such a big imagination for a three-year old, and Emma follows right along behind her.
Yep, they were cute until bedtime rolled around. Wia took the opportunity to get up no less than 10 times… “I need a little drink of water”, “I need to make a stinky”, “I need to take out my ponytail”, “I need a little drink of milk/juice/more water”. I finally had to threaten a spanking, and fortunately it worked, because I don’t think I could follow through with it.
But poor Bailey suffered the most… she’s now 15 weeks old, and is 99.9% house trained. She’s so good – she lets you know when she needs to go out, and will even come and get you if you’re in another room. But she still takes a long time when she needs to do her business, and I wasn’t paying attention to the cues tonight. I sort of hurried her back in after she squatted, and didn’t give her time to… you know. Wia and I finished up her evening ablutions, and came into the kitchen to get a sip of water, and there it was. In the middle of the living room floor, a steaming pile of Aunt Amanda’s Mistake. Poor puppy. She was so embarrassed; she just stood by it and kind of whined. I felt terrible. Thankfully she forgives easily.
