I’ve been kind of bad lately. Like, I know I’m doing something I shouldn’t, but I do it anyway. Today, for example, I decided to take an afternoon break. 1) I did not take a lunch break, but rather brought my veggie pizza back to my desk and checked and answered emails while I ate; and 2) I very rarely, if ever, take a break – no addiction compels me to leave my desk two or three times a day (yes, I’m looking at YOU, smokers), and so I end up working through my mornings and afternoons without so much as looking away from my monitor. So today, I took my book, my gummi bears, and a dollar for a bottle of Dr. Pepper down to the cafeteria at 3:30. Where I sat, blissfully reading, until 4:45. HAH! It was great! By the time I got back to my desk, I had just enough time to write a weekly status report, call one of my users to answer a question she left on voicemail, and log out.
The bad part is that this kind of behavior – this slacking off of work, if you will – is becoming more and more frequent. I don’t feel the responsibility I used to when I think about work; I don’t think about the downstream effects of my actions. This really started last year, probably about mid-fall, with no real rhyme or reason. I find myself very apathetic about work… I actually told someone last week that I DON’T CARE IF I GET A RAISE THIS YEAR. Wha??? I should care. I need that money… my car is eventually going to die, my water heater will go out, my washer will kick the proverbial bucket, and I have no emergency fund. Without that measly two percent (minimum) pay increase, I won’t be able to save as much as I’d hoped. Kiss those hardwood floors goodbye. Adopt a dog? How about adopt a plant. But my apathy, my bad behavior, directly impacts my year-end review, which directly impacts my “merit” increase. I’ve even talked about this with my co-workers, who are feeling similar feelings… we finally decided that we probably shouldn’t talk about it anymore because we were totally bringing each other down.
I think what it boils down to is that I’m burned out. I’m tired of seeing other people rewarded for doing their day-to-day job, and yet not getting the same treatment from my “manager”. It’s degrading and demoralizing to be constantly told that you’re wrong. To be asked to be something you’re not, and then made to feel bad for not living up to unrealistic expectations. I keep thinking I should look for something else, insist on better or more, but I just can’t bring myself to care about it that much. I don’t work to feel fulfilled, and this is not a career. It’s a job. It’s the thing I do to make money. Maybe someday I’ll figure out a way to do the thing that brings me real joy and not live in total poverty so I don’t have to worry about feeling like this anymore. What is clear, though, is that I need to make a change. Something’s got to give… there’s got to be some way to make things bearable again. Right?
Filed under blues, me, work | Comments Off
I think I’m just a lucky person. Or unlucky… but I bounce back?
I got up this morning to shower, turned on the tub faucet, and it went “pffffttttt”. No water. Frozen pipes. It was supa-dupah cold here overnight, with lows of -12°… and I completely forgot to leave a faucet running. Oops. I called my dad, who suggested that if the pipes had not yet burst they surely would, so I should attempt to thaw them with a hair dryer. I couldn’t imagine that it would work, so I (naturally) second-guessed him and checked on the internet. Lo and behold, every website I read said to use a hair dryer. I bundled up and headed into the garage with my trusty Conair and set to work – it took 45 minutes, but I was able to get things flowing again. According to a local news channel, it is currently NA°, which is why I left the faucet in my bathroom running and the furnace at a nice, steady 71°.
In other news, I mentioned the other day that I ordered a hard drive enclosure so I could take the hard drive out of the decrepit Gateway desktop and try to recover files. It arrived yesterday – can you say quick shipping?? – and I was able to mount the hard drive and get it up and running. There’s clearly nothing wrong with it, so something else in the Gateway malfunctioned… I’m not even going to bother trying to find out what. If I had to guess, I’d say the graphics card finally died, but it’s just not worth it to me to try and keep it going. I am relieved to know that I didn’t lose any data, though, and I’m glad I can keep that hard drive for additional storage. I consider that $39 well spent…
Filed under dream house, hometown happenings, nablopomo, single life | Comments Off
I am so bad at this not buying anything new! I think I’ll post purchases here… at least that way I’m forced to face it.
Yesterday I bought a replacement bird feeder. The other one I had was kind of icky and didn’t come apart for cleaning. It could probably have waited until next month, but the birds have been spending a lot of time at the feeders lately, and I don’t want them to get sick! The feeder was $34 or so + tax.
Today, I ordered a hard drive enclosure so I can try to get all the data off the hard drive before I ditch the ol’ desktop. It’s definitely dead… I don’t know what, exactly, is wrong with it, but I’m tired of messing around with it. Total cost, including shipping, was $39.
I think I’m done for the week… if I can avoid leaving the house, I might be able to keep from spending any more money. Maybe.
Filed under budget, nablopomo | Comment (1)